Trying To Keep It Together

The other morning I woke up determined to change my attitude. Over the past couple of weeks areas of my life that I need to change have been at the forefront of my mind. I tend to get this way near the end of the year as I start to focus on how I want the New Year to be.
One of the things I want to change is the way I deal with stress. I will admit I am a control freak. I have been called a "Monica", (yes that was a FRIENDS reference). I love my daily planner and a filled out calendar makes me happy. However, lately, my life hasn't fit neatly into a calendar. I tend to "spaz out" when things come at me from left field. I do what I need to do, but don't always have the best attitude, definitely not the gentle and quiet spirit that I truly long to be.
It has been a rough couple of weeks for us. Not only was the regular holiday stress upon us, but we have been taking turns getting sick. The day I woke up with my new resolve was the day that Reagan got sick.
Between a sick baby and a husband who was working nights,I started to feel completely overwhelmed, add to that lack of sleep and I was not at my best.
Now I would like to be able to share that I stopped there, took a deep breath, got my attitude together and became a Proverbs 31 woman. But I didn't.
Instead I have spent the last couple of days wallowing in self pity, not the best place to be. I talked myself into feeling unappreciated and alone.
So what could I have done differently? Well, to start with I tried to make the changes myself. Instead of turning to the One who has all the strength I decided that I could do it myself. The other thing is that I need to realize that I need to pray continually for contentment. I think alot of my stress comes from fighting against what is going on, wanting to control the people and activities that make up my life. I need to give up that control (you have no idea how hard it was to type that last sentence!)
I have to figure out how to give up this need of control in order to be truly happy. I don't know exactly how to do it yet, but let me do a little thinking and I will get back to you!

Game Plan for January

To start off my happiness project I want to start off by establishing healthy habits to take care of my physical body.
The idea itself is very broad. I have started out many January’s in my life vowing to take care of myself better, but by the end of January I have fallen into old habits. So I am breaking it down into different areas, so that it becomes smaller and more manageable.
One of the things I have learned from “FlyLady” is that it is important to establish bedtime routines. Now I have done that for my children, but not for me. I have come to the conclusion that it is just as important for me, as for them. Some of these things may seem a little trivial, but it is the little things that I tend to push aside when I am too tired.
So here is my before bed routine:
1.Brush teeth
2.Wash Face
3.Use lotion
4.Brush hair 100 times
5.Read at least a chapter of a “fun” book

When it comes to working out I really struggle. The things I would like to do, I don’t have time for, or at least time for when I have the energy. I would really like to get involved with Roller Derby. Now, I can hear those of you who know me laughing, because I am not exactly the most “sports oriented” person. But I really think that it would be fun, but I need to work up to that. So that is my ultimate goal, but here are the things I want to do daily to help me get there.
1.Walk to the mailbox each day
2.Do yoga each morning during Reagan’s first nap
3. Suck it up and go to the gym 3 times a week
4.Dance for at least 15 minutes with the kids each day

Another area of struggle for me is my eating habits. I tend to let myself get too hungry and then make bad decisions on what to put in my body. I make sure that my kids eat healthy, but put myself on the back burner.
1.Drink 6-8 glasses of water each day
2.Plan breakfasts/lunches
3.Portion out snacks
4.Establish my eating schedule

As I am writing this it does seem like a lot, but here is my game plan. Week one I am going to work on my bedtime routine, week two I am going to continue the bedtime routine, but add in the exercise, and then week three add the eating habits.

To keep track I am making a calendar to make a mark on each day I reach my goal.

I am really excited to start 2011!

June Cleaver May Have Been On To Something.....

So while I don't plan on starting my "journey" until the New Year, I have been trying to make little changes in my day to day life.
One of my biggest complaints about myself is that I feel frumpy...and I hate feeling that way! I have written off the feeling, saying that I will feel that way until I loose the weight I want, and have a brand new wardrobe. But honestly, I am tired of feeling that way.
Over the past few years I have been blessed by acquiring some nice jewelry pieces that I haven't really worn because I always have looked at jewelry as things to wear when you go out. My friend Kelly's mom gave me a wonderful small strand of pearls.....yes, you may start with the June Cleaver jokes. The other day I wore them, just around the house, it was something little but it really did make me happier...and yes...I even vacuumed the floor with them on.


I have also been making sure to do my hair and at least put on mascara. They sound like really little things, but it really has made me feel less frumpy. Part of me really struggled with the idea of feeling shallow...I know the outward appearances don't matter as much as what is in your heart. But the more I thought about it I realized that our physical body is given to us by God and he wants us to be good stewards of it. As I get ready every morning I feel like I am getting ready for a purpose. It doesn't matter if I leave the house or not, I am getting ready for me. And to quote the song, "I feel pretty...oh so pretty!"

My Ten Commandments

One of the suggestions from "The Happiness Project" is to make a list of personal commandments, rules that will govern how to attain the changes I want to make it my life. Some of them I am taking from her list, others are my own.

1. Validate others work the way I want mine to be validated.
2. Listen fully
3. Be Kate
4. Let it go
5. Be flexible
6. Stop, Breathe
7. Finish what I start
8. No procrastination
9. Treat myself and others with love
10. No judgement

The Best Laid Plans

But Mousie, thou are no thy-lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy! Robert Burns

Even though I am not officially starting my "happiness project" until January, I am trying to put some of the things in practice now, especially when it comes to dealing with stress.
Anyone who knows me knows that the majority of my stress comes from last minute changes to my carefully laid plans. Being a planner is in grained in me. I love to look up at my calendar and see the plans for the month carefully laid out in each family members different color marker. It brings a smile to my face.
This past week was a very busy week. Everything was scheduled to the max, and I knew that it was going to be hectic.
However, I didn't plan for (a) Andrew to take a fall at work and dislocate his shoulder.....again (b) for my van to suddenly stop working Saturday night.
Keeping my reading in mind, I handled Andrew's accident calmly, rearranging some plans, and picking up the extra chores with a good attitude. I didn't respond so positively about the van.....in fact....the van was the straw that broke the camels back and I sat down on the floor and cried.
The good thing is is that the crying only lasted a short while, and I picked myself up off the floor, both literally and figuratively and kept going. By the end of the evening I was actually giggling about the "funniness" of "best laid plans". Instead of jumping to the conclusion that there was something horrible going on with our van, and we were going to have to sell our first born child to pay for it, how I was going to re-organize my week and why do things happen like this just before Christmas, I just waited. It turns out it was only the battery, and Andrew and my mother in law put a new one in in our driveway.
I learned something this weekend. While I am a planner, and will always be, sometimes when things deviate from my plans, it isn't always good to plan again, instantly developing plans a,b, c and so on. Sometimes developing those plans would cause more stress...sometimes it is better to take a step back, wait awhile and see what happens.

Being True To Me

‎"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up". CS Lewis

I have always been a people pleaser. I have always been a chameleon changing certain things about my personality to fit situations and people's expectations. While a little of this is good, and without this adaptation society would fall (not because of me but if everyone always acted the way the wanted too), certain parts of myself have become hidden. These tend to be the parts of myself that in the words of my fifth grade self, "aren't cool".

It is fitting that I found that quote from C.S. Lewis, because I do really love fairy tales. I love the magic of princesses, princes, dragons.....basically good vs evil, with good winning. But in my mind it isn't "cool" for a thirty-something to love fairy tales. Now, I am not talking about dressing like a princess when I go to the grocery store, (although I am sure some of you would like to see me do that), but I shouldn't be afraid to enjoy them.

I guess my biggest goal for myself is to stop apologizing, whether mentally or out lout, for the "geekiness"...for the things that I enjoy....for the things that put a smile on my face no matter how silly they may seem. And who knows? Maybe you will see me at the store with a tiara on my head!!

My Twelve Goals

I have decided to copy Gretchen Rubin, by making a list of twelve goals for myself. I will have a specific one to work on for each month of the year. Today I just want to make a list of the goals.....I will save the "how to" for later!

January: My Physical Body
I am not pregnant, not recovering from a pregnancy and my asthma has been good....time for me to get in shape!

February: My Marriage
In this month of Valentine's Day I want to work on becoming a better wife.

March: My Kids
I want to become the mother I always wanted to be. Much less "yelly".

April: Having Fun
I don't just let go and have fun easily. I want to be able to relax.

May: My Spiritual Life
I have some "old" issues that I need to work through. I need to find a church.

June: A Time to Purge
In the month of yardsales....I want to go thru my house and get rid of things that are just "taking up space". I want each item in my home to be there for a reason, whether that reason is practical or sentimental.

July: Finishing What I Started
I have unfinished projects....I need to either finish them, or get rid of the ones I will never finish.

August: Finances
I want to keep track of everything I spend for a month. I want to see where I spend my money, and in doing so find out what my priorities are.

September: My Home
I want my home to be a place of peace and hospitality.

October: Find A Project/Hobby and Make Time For It
I want to find something that I enjoy doing that isn't a stress, but a relaxation

November: Stimulate My Mind
I feel like I "used" to be smart. I need to find something that uses the part of the brain that I don't use on a day to day basis.

December: Work On Being a Better Friend
I tend to forget things like birthdays. I want to be better about celebrating my friendship.s