Trying To Keep It Together

The other morning I woke up determined to change my attitude. Over the past couple of weeks areas of my life that I need to change have been at the forefront of my mind. I tend to get this way near the end of the year as I start to focus on how I want the New Year to be.
One of the things I want to change is the way I deal with stress. I will admit I am a control freak. I have been called a "Monica", (yes that was a FRIENDS reference). I love my daily planner and a filled out calendar makes me happy. However, lately, my life hasn't fit neatly into a calendar. I tend to "spaz out" when things come at me from left field. I do what I need to do, but don't always have the best attitude, definitely not the gentle and quiet spirit that I truly long to be.
It has been a rough couple of weeks for us. Not only was the regular holiday stress upon us, but we have been taking turns getting sick. The day I woke up with my new resolve was the day that Reagan got sick.
Between a sick baby and a husband who was working nights,I started to feel completely overwhelmed, add to that lack of sleep and I was not at my best.
Now I would like to be able to share that I stopped there, took a deep breath, got my attitude together and became a Proverbs 31 woman. But I didn't.
Instead I have spent the last couple of days wallowing in self pity, not the best place to be. I talked myself into feeling unappreciated and alone.
So what could I have done differently? Well, to start with I tried to make the changes myself. Instead of turning to the One who has all the strength I decided that I could do it myself. The other thing is that I need to realize that I need to pray continually for contentment. I think alot of my stress comes from fighting against what is going on, wanting to control the people and activities that make up my life. I need to give up that control (you have no idea how hard it was to type that last sentence!)
I have to figure out how to give up this need of control in order to be truly happy. I don't know exactly how to do it yet, but let me do a little thinking and I will get back to you!

Game Plan for January

To start off my happiness project I want to start off by establishing healthy habits to take care of my physical body.
The idea itself is very broad. I have started out many January’s in my life vowing to take care of myself better, but by the end of January I have fallen into old habits. So I am breaking it down into different areas, so that it becomes smaller and more manageable.
One of the things I have learned from “FlyLady” is that it is important to establish bedtime routines. Now I have done that for my children, but not for me. I have come to the conclusion that it is just as important for me, as for them. Some of these things may seem a little trivial, but it is the little things that I tend to push aside when I am too tired.
So here is my before bed routine:
1.Brush teeth
2.Wash Face
3.Use lotion
4.Brush hair 100 times
5.Read at least a chapter of a “fun” book

When it comes to working out I really struggle. The things I would like to do, I don’t have time for, or at least time for when I have the energy. I would really like to get involved with Roller Derby. Now, I can hear those of you who know me laughing, because I am not exactly the most “sports oriented” person. But I really think that it would be fun, but I need to work up to that. So that is my ultimate goal, but here are the things I want to do daily to help me get there.
1.Walk to the mailbox each day
2.Do yoga each morning during Reagan’s first nap
3. Suck it up and go to the gym 3 times a week
4.Dance for at least 15 minutes with the kids each day

Another area of struggle for me is my eating habits. I tend to let myself get too hungry and then make bad decisions on what to put in my body. I make sure that my kids eat healthy, but put myself on the back burner.
1.Drink 6-8 glasses of water each day
2.Plan breakfasts/lunches
3.Portion out snacks
4.Establish my eating schedule

As I am writing this it does seem like a lot, but here is my game plan. Week one I am going to work on my bedtime routine, week two I am going to continue the bedtime routine, but add in the exercise, and then week three add the eating habits.

To keep track I am making a calendar to make a mark on each day I reach my goal.

I am really excited to start 2011!

June Cleaver May Have Been On To Something.....

So while I don't plan on starting my "journey" until the New Year, I have been trying to make little changes in my day to day life.
One of my biggest complaints about myself is that I feel frumpy...and I hate feeling that way! I have written off the feeling, saying that I will feel that way until I loose the weight I want, and have a brand new wardrobe. But honestly, I am tired of feeling that way.
Over the past few years I have been blessed by acquiring some nice jewelry pieces that I haven't really worn because I always have looked at jewelry as things to wear when you go out. My friend Kelly's mom gave me a wonderful small strand of pearls.....yes, you may start with the June Cleaver jokes. The other day I wore them, just around the house, it was something little but it really did make me happier...and yes...I even vacuumed the floor with them on.


I have also been making sure to do my hair and at least put on mascara. They sound like really little things, but it really has made me feel less frumpy. Part of me really struggled with the idea of feeling shallow...I know the outward appearances don't matter as much as what is in your heart. But the more I thought about it I realized that our physical body is given to us by God and he wants us to be good stewards of it. As I get ready every morning I feel like I am getting ready for a purpose. It doesn't matter if I leave the house or not, I am getting ready for me. And to quote the song, "I feel pretty...oh so pretty!"

My Ten Commandments

One of the suggestions from "The Happiness Project" is to make a list of personal commandments, rules that will govern how to attain the changes I want to make it my life. Some of them I am taking from her list, others are my own.

1. Validate others work the way I want mine to be validated.
2. Listen fully
3. Be Kate
4. Let it go
5. Be flexible
6. Stop, Breathe
7. Finish what I start
8. No procrastination
9. Treat myself and others with love
10. No judgement

The Best Laid Plans

But Mousie, thou are no thy-lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy! Robert Burns

Even though I am not officially starting my "happiness project" until January, I am trying to put some of the things in practice now, especially when it comes to dealing with stress.
Anyone who knows me knows that the majority of my stress comes from last minute changes to my carefully laid plans. Being a planner is in grained in me. I love to look up at my calendar and see the plans for the month carefully laid out in each family members different color marker. It brings a smile to my face.
This past week was a very busy week. Everything was scheduled to the max, and I knew that it was going to be hectic.
However, I didn't plan for (a) Andrew to take a fall at work and dislocate his shoulder.....again (b) for my van to suddenly stop working Saturday night.
Keeping my reading in mind, I handled Andrew's accident calmly, rearranging some plans, and picking up the extra chores with a good attitude. I didn't respond so positively about the van.....in fact....the van was the straw that broke the camels back and I sat down on the floor and cried.
The good thing is is that the crying only lasted a short while, and I picked myself up off the floor, both literally and figuratively and kept going. By the end of the evening I was actually giggling about the "funniness" of "best laid plans". Instead of jumping to the conclusion that there was something horrible going on with our van, and we were going to have to sell our first born child to pay for it, how I was going to re-organize my week and why do things happen like this just before Christmas, I just waited. It turns out it was only the battery, and Andrew and my mother in law put a new one in in our driveway.
I learned something this weekend. While I am a planner, and will always be, sometimes when things deviate from my plans, it isn't always good to plan again, instantly developing plans a,b, c and so on. Sometimes developing those plans would cause more stress...sometimes it is better to take a step back, wait awhile and see what happens.

Being True To Me

‎"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up". CS Lewis

I have always been a people pleaser. I have always been a chameleon changing certain things about my personality to fit situations and people's expectations. While a little of this is good, and without this adaptation society would fall (not because of me but if everyone always acted the way the wanted too), certain parts of myself have become hidden. These tend to be the parts of myself that in the words of my fifth grade self, "aren't cool".

It is fitting that I found that quote from C.S. Lewis, because I do really love fairy tales. I love the magic of princesses, princes, dragons.....basically good vs evil, with good winning. But in my mind it isn't "cool" for a thirty-something to love fairy tales. Now, I am not talking about dressing like a princess when I go to the grocery store, (although I am sure some of you would like to see me do that), but I shouldn't be afraid to enjoy them.

I guess my biggest goal for myself is to stop apologizing, whether mentally or out lout, for the "geekiness"...for the things that I enjoy....for the things that put a smile on my face no matter how silly they may seem. And who knows? Maybe you will see me at the store with a tiara on my head!!

My Twelve Goals

I have decided to copy Gretchen Rubin, by making a list of twelve goals for myself. I will have a specific one to work on for each month of the year. Today I just want to make a list of the goals.....I will save the "how to" for later!

January: My Physical Body
I am not pregnant, not recovering from a pregnancy and my asthma has been good....time for me to get in shape!

February: My Marriage
In this month of Valentine's Day I want to work on becoming a better wife.

March: My Kids
I want to become the mother I always wanted to be. Much less "yelly".

April: Having Fun
I don't just let go and have fun easily. I want to be able to relax.

May: My Spiritual Life
I have some "old" issues that I need to work through. I need to find a church.

June: A Time to Purge
In the month of yardsales....I want to go thru my house and get rid of things that are just "taking up space". I want each item in my home to be there for a reason, whether that reason is practical or sentimental.

July: Finishing What I Started
I have unfinished projects....I need to either finish them, or get rid of the ones I will never finish.

August: Finances
I want to keep track of everything I spend for a month. I want to see where I spend my money, and in doing so find out what my priorities are.

September: My Home
I want my home to be a place of peace and hospitality.

October: Find A Project/Hobby and Make Time For It
I want to find something that I enjoy doing that isn't a stress, but a relaxation

November: Stimulate My Mind
I feel like I "used" to be smart. I need to find something that uses the part of the brain that I don't use on a day to day basis.

December: Work On Being a Better Friend
I tend to forget things like birthdays. I want to be better about celebrating my friendship.s

Take 2...(or 3 or 4, but who is really counting!)

So again life has gotten in the way I have gotten off track. What looked good on paper fell the practicality of life. While Cameron loved a strict schedule, Reagan is much more the free spirit, keeping me very busy learning how to be flexible and realizing what my priorities are.
But even in the midst of the chaos of raising two kids, adjusting to my husbands ever changing work schedule I crave simplicity. I long for my life to be more "Ina Garten in the Hampton's" and less like a three ring circus. Again, it comes down to balancing and finding a happy medium.
Two things have happened recently to renew my efforts in finding that medium. The first is that I finally picked up the book that my sister suggested I read quite awhile a go. It is "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. She comes to a point in her life where she realizes that she should be happier than she is with her life. She takes a year to change that. She breaks it down into monthly projects. I am still reading it, but it has really inspired me. I tend to try to do a HUGE overhaul, all at once, trying to change both my physical, spiritual, and mental habits. I tend to get discouraged when I fail, and throw up my hands and forget the whole thing. Her way is alot more manageable, and honestly sounds fun.
The other things that has renewed my efforts is the sudden passing of my grandmother. She passed away very suddenly and the family is left to sort through all sorts of "stuff". Going through her house has made me look around at my own house and realize that I could use some purging and organizing. While I don't have alot of clutter, there are things that I am holding onto just because I am used to seeing them. Things that don't have a sentimental value, and are just taking up space.
However, before I decide to go tearing thru my house on a gigantic cleaning spree, I am going to take a step back. With the new year coming quickly it is a perfect time to make some changes, one step at a time. Before I start on this overhaul of both my physical surroundings and mental habits I need to come up with my set of "commandments".
This might take awhile, but I think the results will be permanent and worth it. So stay tuned.......

Learning from a master......

I have really struggled on this journey, more than I ever thought I would. I was beating myself up about it, because I haven't gotten as far as I would have liked. I was making no real progress...and to tell you the truth, I procrastinated because I came to a brick wall.
However, this week my purpose is renewed. A friend of mine introduced me to "FLYlady.net." FLY stands for "Fully Loving Yourself." She provides more than a formula to keep a clean house, but a formula to start changing your life. She puts into practice all the things that I want to have in my life, but am either too scared to try, or put off because of what others may think. She breaks it down into babysteps, the first one is shine your sink.
Now that might seem kinda silly. Really, how much difference does a shiny sink make? Well, let me tell you, it took me two days to work up the courage to find this out. Last night I shined my sink, per her directions. It really made a difference. You see, through out the day you continue to wipe out your sink and keep it clean. So today, even though my husband had to work 11 hours, I had a 6 month old who is teething and wants to be attached to me 24/7, and to be blunt, I didn't even have any privacy in the bathroom all day.....however, in the middle of the chaos I could look at my sink, and have one thing that was cleaned and orderly. It kept my attitude where it needed to be.
So with FLYlady's help I hope to continue this quest to get back to the basics. To get rid of clutter and chaos that happens in both my house and my mind.

A Lesson in the Reality of Things

This week has not been the way I expected it to be. I had my plans laid down, and was looking forward to a very productive week of sorting through things, and getting things organized.
However, my son came down with bronchitis and I ended up spending all day Wednesday in the ER with him. My daughter didn't sleep well this week, and I have been feeling under the weather as well. Needless to say I was not as productive as I wanted to be.
I began to beat myself up over it, I was telling myself that I shouldn't have "lazy" this week, and that I should have been strong enough to keep going and do the things I wanted to do this week.
But then I realized, I have wanted to get back to the basics. As wives and mothers our job is to take care of our family. This week my children needed me to put aside "my plans" and spend time cuddling and nursing them, the basics of motherhood. So what if my laundry room is still a clutter castle or my kitchen floor didn't get mopped on the "right day" this week. Missing a few chores won't make the house fall down or end the world. (Those of you who know me well know how it pained me to type that last sentence!)
I tend to put alot of expectations on myself. I want my house to always be clean and organized, I want my children to always look put together and be well behaved, I want my husband to always come home to a smiling wife, a good dinner and a calm house. And while these are good things to strive for, in reality, it isn't going to always happen like that. Sometimes my husband comes home to a stressed, burnt out wife, sometimes my four year old wants to wear an outfit that clashes, and sometimes my house doesn't look like it belongs in a magazine. I am learning that getting back to basics involves getting my priorities in the proper order.
Is it more important that my four year old knows that his mommy loves him and spends time with him or that my house is immaculate? Is it more important for his outfits to look the best, or that he gets the joy of dressing himself? It is a struggle for me to let go of control and let things happen the way they happen.
Does this mean that I will stop my quest for going through and organizing my house? No, because that does still need to be done, it does mean that it might take a little longer than I would like, because I might have to take a break and play some LEGOS with a little boy.

One room down......

My dining room is done!!! WHOOHOO!!!! Insert champagne bottles popping and confetti being flown in the air!
Everything in my dining room works towards the function of that room. My function for the dining room: To promote togetherness between family and friends thru food and sharing time.
We have a desk in the dining room...the original plan was to use that desk as a desk. However, we have had it for at least 6 months and I can count on one hand how many times I have used it. So now we are using it to hold family pictures and doubling it as a buffet when we have company. We also have a small table being used to hold our box of family silverware as well as Andrew's cigar humidor.
I felt that keeping family pictures in the room was a nice reminder of the family that might not be here all the time to share meals with us, but are still an important part of the family.
In the middle of our dining room table is a centerpiece that Cameron and I made together. My goal is to make a centerpiece with him and eventually Reagan for each change of season. I believe that it is important to have touches of each family member in every room. We all live here, we all need to be a part of the house.
I still want to add things to the room, more decorative touches than anything else. I want to get some art on the wall, placemats for the table and things like that, but as for the functionality of the room....it is finished!

P.S. The picture of the drawer I included was the messy one that I included in the last post!

Thumbtacks and Paperclips

Well, I am not as far along in my quest to get back to the basics as I would like to be at this point of the week. Monday was great...got alot done...Tuesday I hit a wall..."The Attack of the Little Things".
The big messes, well they are just easier to deal with. The things that are out in the open, the things that everyone sees. The little things, that can be hidden away, are alot easier to put off dealing with. I mean really, do I need to find a place for the paperclips and thumbtacks? Can't they just land where they land, and really who would know if they are hiding in a drawer in the dining room instead of being put away correctly in my "office space"?
The answer, I would. I will know if I cut corners in the quest. I will know that no matter how beautiful things look on the outside, I would know the hidden things.
The same is true in our lives. The attitudes, the thoughts, the things that I keep in my heart. I need to deal with the "thumbtacks and paperclips" of my heart, as well as the ones residing in my dining room.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Ps 139:23
That is a scary prayer, now not only am I determined to search out my heart, but I am asking the Creator of my heart to do the same. I am asking the God of the universe to be my "accountability partner" in getting back to the basics of my heart, my desires my life. The truth is that I can rest in the fact that no matter how many "thumbtacks and paperclips" are uncovered, He will be there dealing with them with me, and His love for me doesn't change one little bit.

And so the journey begins......

One thing I have learned about myself is that I don't function well in chaos. I like things well defined and organized.
As I have been looking around my house I have realized that my rooms don't have a defined function, and that has led to piles of clutter with no where to go. I have found that I have a couple of "black holes" in my house where things get stashed when I have no idea where to put them to be functional.
So my goal this week is to define the function of each room and removing the items that do not serve that function. As things are removed from each room they will be placed in the room that is for that function. I am not going to work on organizing each room, that will come next week, but at least all items in the room will belong there.
Here is a list of the major spaces that I will be tackling this week.....

Dining Room: A place for family and friends to gather to share food.
Kitchen: A functional workspace where my "tools of the trade" are easily found and used.
Playroom: A space where the toys are easily found by small hands. All the toys in this area should be age appropriate for all ages. A space that is "kid friendly".
Living room: A place where adults can relax. Since this is also where the computer is kept, the space needs to double as a working environment in disguise. I want the focus for this space to be a gathering space rather than an office.
All Bedrooms: A space that is individual to each person. Where you walk in and get a sense of what that person is about. For mine and Andrew's bedroom I want it to be a space of retreat.

So let the journey back to the basics begins!