Tuesday, September 20, 2011


I have decided that trying to keep up with three different blogs was just too much! So I have decided to cut it down to one. I will still share recipes, but there will be other things as well.

http://beautifulirish-myworld.blogspot.com/ Here is the link, come follow!!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Change of Plans

August was going to be my month to work of our finances. I had it all planned out, but then God stepped in.
God showed me that I needed to work on forgiveness this month. Through personal circumstances, followed by a very compelling sermon made me realize that forgiveness is the key to living a fulfilled life. Unforgiveness keeps you chained down in the past.
I want to share my notes from the sermon, because it really spoke to me. The pastor had three points, forgiving yourself, forging others and forgiving God.
The first two are not new concepts. The one that really spoke to me was the idea of forgiving God. We have to remember that God is not intimidated by our emotions, my thoughts or my feelings. And the idea of forgiving God doesn't mean that God was wrong. Forgiving frees you of being bitter. And I honestly believe that bitterness is one of Satan's biggest tools to distract us from being focused on accomplishing His will.
Sometimes things happen in our life that we don't understand. But God understands that. He created us, so He knows our limitations, He knows that we don't see the big picture. And for us to be honest with Him, to share our feelings will bring us to a deeper relationship with Him.
The other hard thing for me to do is forgive myself. I know that I hold myself to a high standard, too high. Not forgiving yourself is a form of conceit. It is basically saying, "Yes God, Your Son's sacrifice was good enough payment for my sins for you,but not for me." That sounds harsh,but really that is what it is. We all need to "get over" ourselves. Not being able to forgive ourselves is also a tool for Satan. It traps us in the past, and we can't live fully in the present.
When it comes to forgiving others it is easier for me to do that when that person asks for forgiveness. Not forgiving others is almost a sick form of power. You feel like you own that person, when in actuality they most likely don't know you are harboring unforgiveness. Again, it only holds you down.
So this month is another big challenge for me. I am looking forward to God working with me on all aspects of forgiveness, but I know it will be a battle.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Under Construction

Have you ever had a week that kinda shakes you down to your core? A week where you come face to face with the person you have become, a week where you turn your eyes to heaven and give yourself wholly to God.
That was the kind of week I had.
Lately my life has been very busy. Between having my mom visit, my step daughter visit, multiple family gatherings, and just regular life I haven't had much time to "be still".
This week, my husband was TDY, and through a bunch of different circumstances my very full week became very empty.
It became a week where I had lots of quiet time in which to reflect and just sit and listen to God.
Some of the things He told me were hard to hear. They required me to come out of my comfort zone and deal with things that I had done that had hurt other people. Wednesday was a day spent in tears as I saw my brokenness. I saw my shortcomings, my faults and my sin.
Thursday though, was a day of joy. Thursday God showed me how He sees me. He doesn't see the brokenness, He doesn't see my faults. He sees me through the blood of His son. He sees me as a princess. He loves me.
Psalm 51 has been my prayer this week.

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

I am thankful that God is more patient with me than I am with myself. There is a song we used to sing in Sunday School. The chorus is:
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

I am thankful that my God knows me. He knows what I struggle with, He knows my ability. And even though He asks me to do somethings that the human in me doesn't want to do, I know that He will give me the strength, the wisdom and the guidance to do His will.
So there are changes that need to be made in my life. There are habits I need to break and new habits I need to start, but step by step my God will lead me. I just need to follow.

Monday, July 25, 2011

It's All About Love

There is an old DC Talk song called "Love is a Verb". When I was younger I loved that song, and it made perfect sense to me, if you love someone you show it!
However, recently, in my adult life the act of loving hasn't always been the easiest thing. The word gets tossed around in this culture, it is used for everything from things we eat, to the people that our in our lives.
May was supposed to be my month to find a church, but different things got in the way, and I didn't end up finding a church. My mom came to visit this month, and she is more outgoing than I am, so I figured I would drag her along.
I have attended for three weeks now and each week it was like the pastor was preaching right at me, and it has been all about love.
One of the points that really hit me was that God calls us to love one another...that is it...not change each other, not judge each other, not love only the loveable. GOD is in charge of changing, GOD is the ultimate judge, and lets face it if GOD only loved the loveable, none of us would be loved by Him!
Of all the words used to describe God, I John 4:8 states that God is love. Love is the driving force behind God's wonderful grace. It, simply stated, is what makes God tick.

It sounds so simple, but acting in love takes a moment my moment dedication.
I got to practice this concept on Friday night. I ran into a person who last year caused my closest friends alot of pain. Part of me wanted to call her out on the carpet, and accuse her, point the finger and her, and basically make her feel like she made my friends feel. But I stopped, prayed, treated her with love. I chatted for a second, asked how her kids were and that was about it. It all comes down to the good ol' WWJD!
Yesterday's sermon brought me to tears. There were alot of great points, but the one that really hit home is the fact that Jesus wants me to come to Him just the way I am. I don't have to wait until I am perfect to come to Him, I don't have to wait until I get my life where I want it to be, or until my marriage or children are perfect, He wants me now. He wants me tired, run down, empty. He wants my anger, my sadness and my confusion. He wants me to come to Him like that because He loves me, because that in Him are the answers to all those things that I see as imperfections in myself.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

This year has challenged me beyond anything before in my life. It has stretched me, it has broken me down. But Jesus has heard my pleas, listened to my rantings and held me up when I had no strength.
But most of all He has shown me love. He has gathered me in His arms. He hasn't held my past against me, He loves me for who I am now.
Having that kind of love given so freely to me, how can I not turn around and show that to others?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

My Goals for July...A Few Days Late!!

June flew by! I did well on my de-cluttering, but still have a ways to go. The garage is still the bane of my existence! It is just so easy to close the door and forget about it!
July is supposed to my month to either finish my unfinished projects or get rid of them. It goes well with the left over de-cluttering that I have to do.
July is going to also be my month to get back to the way I was in February, before all the craziness with Reagan started. It has been nine weeks now since her last seizure and I feel like both her and I are starting to get back to "normal".
After her incident I stopped working out and I stopped caring about what I was eating. Because of that I have put on all the weight I had lost. I started working out last week and have actually lost a pound! Baby steps..right?
I also went to see my doctor to kind of check in and make sure that physically I am ok. My thyroid is a little wonky, so we are fixing that.
I am also going to church this Sunday for the first time in a very long time. While my relationship with God is better than it has been in years, I feel like I need to get back into a fellowship.
Over all I feel like I am coming out of a fog.
My little girl, happy, healthy and full of life!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Coming Clean

I have put off posting to this blog this week because honestly, I didn't know what exactly I wanted to say.
Because I thought this month was going to be easy...I thought getting rid of clutter would be a piece of cake. What I didn't realize was the God was going to work on spiritual and emotional clutter as well.
I am doing Beth Moore's study on the fruit of the Spirit. I have been doing it for a little over a month, I have completed the introduction as well as the section on love. It was great, I loved it. I felt convicted over some things and made some changes...all was good. And then I started the section on joy.
I feel like I have hit a wall.
It has made me realize that I am not a very "joyful" person. To me the idea of joy and even happiness come with an abandonment that I am just not comfortable with. I like control, I like knowing what is coming, and having a plan for whatever that is. To me joy isn't "logical". God has given us so many reasons to be joyful, why can't I seem to "tap" into that?
I know that sounds horrible. I have always seen joy as one of the "lesser" fruits of the spirit. I almost see it as something you outgrow.
Well, God is making me come face to face with this. It is almost like He is mimicking my husband, who always says, "why don't you like fun?"
God is making me realize that I need joy in my life. That my life as both a human and as a spiritual person isn't complete without joy. And to be very honest the idea is both invigorating and terrifying.
I long to live a joyful life, I long to be more free and have a certain level of abandonment. What is scary to me is the fact that I can't come up with a plan for that! (which I know defeats the purpose of living life with abandonment):)
So this is something I am working on, and I think it is going to have me learning lessons from my children...because they certainly live life with joy and abandon. They know I love them, they just enjoy things! I know my heavenly Father loves me, I need to start enjoying things.
One of the major obstacles has been the fact that I am still dealing with the terror of what happened with Reagan. I know it has been six weeks, but it is still terrifying. Anytime she starts getting upset I flash back to that day. I am terrified that she is going to get sick, and have another seizure. I feel like I have been surviving, but not thriving. Again, I can't come up with a plan to get over this. I don't like living life in fear, and while the fear has lessened in alot of aspects it still lurks. This fear is creeping into every aspect of my life, affecting other relationships within my family, it has to go! It is exhausting and draining. I have become a "yelly" mom again, and I really don't like it.
So all that being said, it is time for me to take a deep breath. It is time for me to realize that God is good, and that joy is founded in Him, not circumstances. Circumstances change, God doesn't, so there is ALWAYS a reason for joy. I am just so thankful that I serve a God who knows my limitations, He knows what I am striving for and is so forgiving about me messing up and having to pick myself up and start over!

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
—John 15:11

Sunday, June 5, 2011

A Fresh Start In June

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know
to be useful or believe to be beautiful."
William Morris

The above quote is my goal for June. While I don't need to be on "Hoarders" or "Clean House" I do need to get rid of some clutter.The past few months my focus has been on things that I need to change inwardly, so I am really looking forward to June because it is my month to PURGE!!!!
I don't like clutter, at all. It makes me stressed and anxious. Clutter does not make me happy! So in my quest to become a happier person, clutter has to go! Walking thru my house you might not notice the clutter, but it is there. In closets, in drawers, and in the garage (the black hole).
My problem comes when I just have to break down and get rid of things that we have spent money on. I feel wasteful, even if we have more than gotten our money out of it!
As I am looking around I realize that there are boxes that haven't been fully unpacked since we live in Arizona. I realize that there are things that might have come out of boxes, but that I haven't used. Or things that just aren't practical or meaningful for us now.
My goal is to make my way through the house. Today I completed my son's room, worked on both of my daughters room and by doing that threw away three bags of trash, and found alot of things that I can sell online.
I am dreading attacking the garage because that has been my clutter "excuse". I haven't tackled it because it was supposed to be my dear hubbby's job, but not alot of the clutter is my clutter, so I will have to just tackle it!

My son's room after a much needed "decluttering"!

My pile of "sale" stuff so far...I may need to have a yardsale!