After Reagan's seizure and hospitalization this month I am feeling like I am living with a time bomb, because we don't have answers yet. Anytime she acts in a way that she did that day, or if something happens out of the normal my heart starts to race and I start wondering, "will this bring on another seizure?"
This is an exhausting way to live! I don't like living in constant fear and foreboding. I know that this is not of God.
I am learning on a day to day basis, that God is powerful where I am powerless. I can't do anything to "fix" Reagan. I can be proactive and be a good steward of the information that we have, but honestly, my hands are tied, but God's aren't.
Whenever I start feeling afraid I remember that God loves my little girl even more than I do. That she is safe and secure in His hands. I just need to have peace in that, and when I start feeling fearful I have to give her back to God.
Last week was really difficult. I could feel myself sliding back into depression. I wanted to give up....but as a mom you can't! I am so thankful for my friends who listened to me, encouraged me and kept me going when I couldn't do it myself.
So this is a moment to moment battle. The things I know, the things I can hold onto are:
God is in control
God loves me and my children
My job is to obey
Nothing will happen to us that God isn't in complete control over
God won't give me more than I can handle
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