Have you ever had a week that kinda shakes you down to your core? A week where you come face to face with the person you have become, a week where you turn your eyes to heaven and give yourself wholly to God.
That was the kind of week I had.
Lately my life has been very busy. Between having my mom visit, my step daughter visit, multiple family gatherings, and just regular life I haven't had much time to "be still".
This week, my husband was TDY, and through a bunch of different circumstances my very full week became very empty.
It became a week where I had lots of quiet time in which to reflect and just sit and listen to God.
Some of the things He told me were hard to hear. They required me to come out of my comfort zone and deal with things that I had done that had hurt other people. Wednesday was a day spent in tears as I saw my brokenness. I saw my shortcomings, my faults and my sin.
Thursday though, was a day of joy. Thursday God showed me how He sees me. He doesn't see the brokenness, He doesn't see my faults. He sees me through the blood of His son. He sees me as a princess. He loves me.
Psalm 51 has been my prayer this week.
Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.
I am thankful that God is more patient with me than I am with myself. There is a song we used to sing in Sunday School. The chorus is:
He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.
I am thankful that my God knows me. He knows what I struggle with, He knows my ability. And even though He asks me to do somethings that the human in me doesn't want to do, I know that He will give me the strength, the wisdom and the guidance to do His will.
So there are changes that need to be made in my life. There are habits I need to break and new habits I need to start, but step by step my God will lead me. I just need to follow.
